“I Don’t Date Black Girls”

One of my co-workers has a beautiful personality, she is genuinely a happy and care free person. Some of the things she says are not always socially just and I told her I would love to put her as my blog topic to which she obliged. Not only does she say things that are not socially just but they are also outrageously ridiculous to societal standards, like talking about your poop, but we always get a good laugh out of it.

As a black, Irish American women, she said something that peaked my interest. As we usually do on our shift we talk about our romantic interests. She expressed how she hates men who say,

I don’t date black girls.

Due to her overwhelming sense of confidence (which I love) she quickly followed that up with, “but then they meet me.”

My question to anyone who proclaims this, no gender specification (refer to my post about gender), why? Why would you not date someone because of their race?

Faithlynn Morris and Geena Russo hold hands at the Anti-gay bill protest. Photo by: Becca Herman
Faithlynn Morris and Geena Russo hold hands at the Anti-gay bill protest. Photo by: Becca Herman

It is very simple, WHY!? Is this because people stereotype by race and assume that all black girls are a certain way? I would imagine this is part of the case. Or is it all visual preference? Please tell me it is not because ‘races have to stay together.’ I have heard this argument, mostly from the older generations but have never believed it to be valid.

Diversity is a beautiful thing and you can’t help who you fall in love with; gender, race, class, whatever. If you don’t like someone that is fine because part of love is physical attraction but not liking someone or exclaiming that you won’t date someone because of their race is uncalled for and unnecessary.

If you don’t date black girls or know someone who has said this, I want to know their reasoning behind it, if it changed or would ever change if you met the right person. Let’s keep this discussion going! Comment below, please answer my question as to why!

5 comments

  1. Well, I believe it has to do with physical appearance and personality. We are all stereotyped as loud, and the world doesn’t see us as the definition beauty. Honestly some black women are a handful, so I get their point. It is not easy dating out of ones race to be honest, having to explain your relationship to friends and family, and the constant stares from strangers. I date out side my race but mostly hispanics, if I could I rather not date a white person, because I will never believe he or she truly loves me.

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    • Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your insight and could see how justifying to other people could put a strain on the relationship but it is disappointing that is the case. Don’t get me going on stereotypes, I HATE THEM since they only represent part of that population. I always encourage people not to assume anything about other people.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Of course people who say that they “don’t date black people” have different reasons. Personally, I think it’s often more about dating people that are white. The white race is at the top of a bullshit hierarchy, while people of color often grow up with varying degrees of self-hate or self-racism (surely there’s a better way to describe this).

    Growing up, I hated being Asian, or Asian-American-Canadian, an unfathomable breed to kids. In the media, we’re depicted as the butt of a joke, along with other races being depicted as negative stereotypes, while the heroes and love-interests that we admire are white. So we grow up believing that we are sub-par and treated as an “other” while people that are white are held at a higher standard.

    So this is me making an assumption, but I think often when people that are white say they don’t date black people, they might actually be saying they prefer dating white people. To add to this, people of color sometimes also prefer to date people that are white.

    As someone that grew up feeling embarrassed to be Asian, dating someone that is white does two things-
    1) Elevates my social status (but not really)
    2) Confirms that being Asian is a barrier that I can break through to join the cool kids, almost like a kid not being picked last on a team for the first time.

    Meanwhile, dating someone of my own race somehow conveys to other people that I’m more of a walking stereotype or a “traditional Asian.”

    Sorry for the lengthy comment. Thank you for blogging about this!

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  3. yeah, i think it’s as some of the comments here indicated. Or at least, thats how it seems to me. I think its probably less of a “dont date X” and more of a “I prefer to date people like me” – of whatever race or ethnicity I identify as. Then again, I’m sure there are unpleasant people who are stupid and dumb but most people aren’t and are just looking for the person who can understand them best. Usually, that person is one who has had similar experiences to their own. Whther those experiences are professional, familial, traumatic, or societal in nature is, I think, individually determined.

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