‘Coming out’

Administratively, I am very excited to introduce a new concept for my blog this year. Once a month I will be featuring a post from a guest blogger. Their bios can be read on the ‘About Guest Bloggers‘ page. Like I always say, I am a continuous learner and the people I have asked to write for me have taught me so much and I value how socially conscious they are.

It took me a long time for me to decide what my first post of 2016 would be. After several great social justice conversations over the past two days, I realized I have something fun to share. I don’t share it often because I don’t think it is important to who I am or my identites. Frankly the whole notion of ‘coming out’ has several problems for me. I struggle with the term because people who identify as straight don’t ‘come out’. Although if you watch this clip you may think differently about the term all together….

I identify as a genderqueer female who is sexually attracted to self-identified women. It took me awhile to find what worked for me. I usually say I’m gay instead of I’m a lesbian. Just becasue you label a shirt doesn’t mean it’s one size fits all. My story is something I wanted to share because I have been trying to find the line of humor with social justice concepts. I find my story funny.

Once upon a time…. No for serious, I hadn’t met a lot of gay people growing up and there was the token gay person I went to high school with. Being attraced to women wasn’t something I thought I was ‘allowed’ to consider. I also thought that it was wrong to be attracted to women but I can clearly remember the first time I had a crush on a girl — I was in 1st grade. The result of telling my best friend at the time was ‘ew, you can’t like girls.’ There would be several follow up situations that would cause me to further surpress my feelings until one day on a drive to work in high school. I had the pleasure (lies) of working at an amusement park where I would meet my first ‘out’ lesbian. After speaking with her about questioning my sexual orientation I wrote about it in my diary. A lovely page of self realization that ended with ‘I’M GAY!!!’ There was probably a drawn silly smiley face and then my closing signature <3, G.

So far so good but, I have a younger sister who likes to snoop. I didn’t know that she had read my diary until we were out to dinner with my mother. Mom made a comment that same sex couples kissing are fine if they are men but two women weirds her out or something to that effect. I defensly said it isn’t weird.

Sister: “Why? Would you date a girl?”

Me: “So what if I would?”

Mom: “Wait, what?”

Feeling bad that she was the catalyst for me unintentionally coming out to my mother, she later found me in my room to apologize for reading my diary. HA! Now I think it’s hilarious, then not so much. However, it did push me to begin the process of telling my family. This happened over the summer. By September of my freshman year of college, I had come out to my dad, by christmas by grandparents and aunt and by easter the rest of my family.

In hindsight I am grateful she read my diary becuase I honestly don’t know that I would have been comfortable to come out as soon as I did. We all have our closets, I’m lucky coming out of mine was a comfortable one and a fun story to share.

 

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